LOVE YOURSELF! HOW TO SET & PROTECT HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Do you find yourself struggling with how to set and protect healthy boundaries?  I do.  Fundamental when you are on a spiritual journey for soul recovery, I learned early that establishing necessary boundaries, is not an easy task.

So, what are healthy boundaries?  As a highly sensitive person, I define healthy boundaries to be a form of self-care, love and respect.  Or in other words, a great way to connect with and honor the soul.  Additionally, when I am able to manage good boundaries, I am ultimately protecting my energy and mental well-being.  Decreasing the risk of unwanted anxiety, mood swings and stress.

READ: How to Self-Help for Depression & Anxiety: 5 Strategies to Try (right NOW)!

How to Love Yourself by Setting and Protecting Healthy Boundaries!

Additionally, living in a world that caters to social media and interaction.  It can be extremely tough to distinguish our own experiences, memories and thoughts from another.

Likewise, when dealing with the behavior and energy of others.  Emotional and physical fatigue can easily lead to built-up anger, disappointment, and resentment.  Especially when limits have been pushed and/or reached.

This is where we can rely on setting healthy boundaries.  Acting as an internal alarm system and queuing the red flags when lines have been crossed.  Boundaries basically keep us in safe environments and relationships.

3 Reasons Why it’s Essential to Set Boundaries:

• Create space and time for meaningful interactions
• To not only practice self-care, but self-respect and self-love
• Clearly distinguish, plus communicate personal needs and wants

Some may ask, what are the types of boundaries to set?  Yet, before we discuss how to actually set healthy boundaries (with yourself, family, friends, work, etc.) and the types.  I would like to briefly call out the culprits behind why our boundaries can range from easy, to strict, or even non-existent.

Rooted in childhood patterns, many of us experience blocks to boundary setting and can find ourselves in situations where we don’t allow, enforce or uphold intended boundaries.  These blocks include:

READ: How to Practice Wounded Inner Child Work for Self-Discovery!

• Guilt or feeling responsible for someone else’s emotions (i.e. happiness).
• Fear of abandonment, confrontation and rejection (i.e. an inability to say NO and/or ignoring personal wants and needs).
• Not being taught boundaries.  Which may cause the appearance of having no personality (notably, you base how you feel about yourself on how others treat you).
• Concerns of safety.  Showing up as an abusive environment or relationship, where you allow others to dis-empower you from making decisions for yourself and/or not taking responsibility for your own actions in life.

With these blocks in mind, here are the types of boundaries to start establishing:

• Personal or Physical – Your body, home, even work space.
• Sexual Relations – Simply put, how far are you willing to go intimately with a partner?
• Emotions & Thoughts – Refers to the acknowledgement/acceptance of feelings, ideas, plus opinions.
• Material – Includes money, assets and possessions (i.e. home, purse, wallet, car, etc.).
• Energy, plus Time – All about setting expectations and preserving what is important to you.
• Central Belief Systems – Core values or missions that shape actions (spiritual, cultural, religious, ethics, etc.).

In all, an individual with a healthy mix of boundaries is able to find balance and inner peace.  Moreover, the trick is to hone in on what feels truly right to you, and you only.  Now, let’s get into the meat of this post.  

Start with Introspection:

First and foremost, the first step to creating any healthy boundary is to self-reflect.  A fundamental question to journal about and seek an answer for is – Where am I experiencing resistance, low energy and discomfort?

While answering this question, target each type of boundary.  For assistance, dig into the blocks previously mentioned.  Furthermore, are there any current boundaries in place? And if so, are they working?  If not, this is also something to reflect on and potentially develop.

Introspection can be very helpful when trying to set healthy boundaries, because it allows you to tap into that internal alarm system (the red flags).  As well as, assess the situation, get clear and move forward, by either establishing a new boundary or building upon a current boundary that is better in alignment with your authentic self.

Benefits of setting Healthy Boundaries:

• Identify and Define your Authentic Self
• Improve Mental and Emotional Well-being
• Protection from Negative or Low Vibe Energy
• Preserve Personal Growth and/or Spiritual Evolution

Practice Gumption:

Practicing gumption, is basically about having the courage to take-action, speak up and clearly communicate your boundaries.

Although this process is deemed to be straight forward when implementing perimeters in new connections, it can be very challenging in old ones, as you may be met with resistance due to previous conditions (i.e. no boundaries).

Moreover, if you are met with resistance.  Then, it’s key to think about the importance of the overall connection.  Simply put, it may be best to call it quits and walk away from an unhealthy situation; know it’s OK to NOT explain or justify why.

Furthermore, if a connection is not willing or able to meet your boundaries.  Then, this should be a clear sign that it’s not something you want.  Especially, if you are trying to live a more happier and healthier lifestyle.

However, is this is a key relation (that you would like to continue).  Then, you should definitely be met with nothing but support.  Giving you an opportunity to explain or justify (in a nice way), why you have and need these good boundaries in place.

How to Set & Lay Down Some Groundwork for Healthy Boundaries:

A great and easy way to start establishing boundaries is to create, what many like to call, non-negotiable.  I like to define the non-negotiable as blocking time and energy for yourself and doing things that ultimately make you feel good (high vibes only).

READ: For the Proud & Single Ladies – #85 Self-Soothing Love Affirmations!

Whether you block an hour (or more) to read, journal, bake, exercise, etc.  This time and energy you expend is for you (and you only).  Do whatever you have to do (i.e. put phone on do not disturb), to let anyone and everyone know (of importance), that this is your period to nourish your mind, body and soul – PERIOD!

When Setting Boundaries, Know Your Divine Rights:

• Being treated with RESPECT!
• Like others, your NEEDS are essential
• Saying NO without feeling guilt or shame
• Ignore others’ expectations or opinions about who you are
• To fail or make mistakes (we are human, no one is perfect)

Consistency is Essential:

Another step in the process of how to set healthy boundaries, is about being consistent.  We don’t want to backslide, which can lead to confusion and the encouragement of NEW expectations or demands.  Instead, we want to protect these boundaries, by reinforcing them.

One thing to be mindful of, is being consistent with regards to social media outlets.  For the sake of the gram, we can unknowingly cross our own boundaries, if we aren’t careful.

A common example would be having a boundary to limit personal information in a work place setting.  Yet, blast way too much details on social media (due to having an emotional overload) and not properly putting privacy measures in place.

All That Effort in Establishing Clear Lines Are Now Blurred!

Similarly, even if you do have privacy measures in place, be cognizant of what friends and family are posting.  Remember, they have different boundaries and may share photos or information about you, without realizing a line has been crossed.

READ: 11 of the Best Daily Affirmation Apps We Love for Self-Discovery!

Gain Perspective:

The last step of this post is to gain perspective by recognizing and understanding the boundaries of others.

If you are new to boundaries and/or wondering how to set and protect healthy boundaries.  Referring to someone who you may be inspired by (or appreciate in a healthy way), is a good start to seeing where you may need to create some perimeter lines.

“Treat People, the Way You Want to be Treated.”

Additionally, respecting the boundaries of others is essential.  How can you expect someone to consider your boundaries if you don’t regard theirs?

An interesting way to recognize and respect the boundaries of another, is to be aware of any social cues (body language and expressions).  Just because a person doesn’t blatantly state a boundary, doesn’t mean they don’t have some in place.

Some prime examples include, experiencing stiffness when giving someone a hug, avoiding eye contact, backing up during a conversation, folding arms and/or limited responses, etc. etc. etc.

To conclude, the topic for this post was about how to set healthy boundaries.  A big task for many that may not be easy (but essential).  Start small by focusing on connecting, respecting and putting yourself first.  Likewise, do not feel guilty about setting safe boundaries, it is a form of self-care that comes with so many benefits.  In the end, your body, mind and soul will definitely appreciate the gesture.